hard to be soft, tough to be tender

To be honest, I haven't had much of a reason to write recently, and even know I should be doing something more productive with my time. Like studying for my midterm on Friday, or completing the assignment that is due tomorrow for a different class. Or starting my major papers.
I have mono and it makes me tired all of the time, except when I should be sleeping. Yet another way my body chooses to fuck me over on a regular basis. And speaking of fucking, I lost my virginity to a sixteen year old, and in return he stuck me with this mutated form of the herpes virus.
I have a habit of lying about the grades that I get on papers, and whether I hand assignments in or not. The more I lie, the more I begin to believe the things that I am saying. Maybe if I applied the same principle to things like being happy with my life or being attractive or having self-control, the same thing would happen.
I feel like I am gaining weight. I have lost fifteen pounds since I entered this institution, and frankly I would like to lose about twenty or so more. Unfortunately cake and cheese are having their way with me in my weakened mental state.
I have the overwhelming feeling that the entire world hates me for reasons that I will never understand.
I think too much. Except about my writing which is full of holes.
"I'll do better on the next one"